sometimes i feel so all alone

so today wasnt the best start of spring break. nothing bad but just one of those times, which i seem to be having alot, where i feel like i dont really know my friends. alot of people i only know from youth group and church and all i know is how they act and talk there, but when you see how different they live there lives when they aren't around other church people, you dont really know what to think. people who you have looked up to and think "i wish i could be as good a person as ___ is" then they turn around and do things that you would never expect them to do. people who ive grown to trust and think im really good, close friends with. when you see things like this happen how are you suppose to continue trusting in them? are they really even your friends? how are you suppose to know who they truly are, are they the person you see or the one that they dont show you? have they had this whole other part of them the whole time you've been friends and you were just always oblivious to or did they just start to change? does the other person see you as good of a friend as you saw them? do you even have the same view of a friendship? (friend/aquaintence rant to come later maybe)

and worse about this is the one person that will read this and know exactly what im talking about is the one who it doesn't apply to.

sigh,
Jonathan "iwriteinonelongparagraph" K.

p.s. thanks genna and sydney for the good conversations, it helps alot.